Korni joke thread

[sinx22]

just like what off topic is for... just for spam! i mean fun!!
post ur korni joke here~~~

Cannibal Fruit Test
Cannibals captured three men who were lost in the forest. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."

The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with a pineapple

[sketch]

what do you get when you cross jerome and dennis? a dead ogre and several party members.

what happens if you didnt listen to the dm? a dead ogre and several party members.

[ReDXIII]

here's a good one made me laugh a lot of tym (never fails)

so there's like a contest help in the Philippines annual (not anally)
this tym its about how long one thingy is........

so the first contestant comes out a Japanese he climbed the 20 feet ladder and jumped thingy first of course, drops front first and stood up and whoa out springs water!!

audiences stood up and yelled by what a thingy!

second man came out to be an American waving to everyone like he's the winner (thingy sticking out). climbed the ladder jumped down thingy first, and stood up and presto out came a geyser of oil! this time you can hear the crowd yelling "BY THE LOVE OF GOD"

of course the third man came out and he's pinoy, nuthing special doesn't even smiled at the audience climes the ladder and jumped! same thing happened he stood up but a minute passed and not a single drop of water nor oil popped out! this time peeps are booing.....
he just smiled coz after a couple of second the earth starts to shake! and gave a huge crack in the stadium and followed by fire and brimstone and out came Satan very mad and has a huge black eye on his left eye "OKAY WHO'S THE MOTHER f**kER?"

[,~¯`•Xynyd Taizhee`¯~,]

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow, too?"

[DMpoy]

An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. Young, idealistic ladies were all over, one of whom approached him for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out! I mean no sex since 1955!?" Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now." ;D

[Dungeon Master]

*Ang buhay ay parang bato, it's hard.

* Better late than pregnant.

* Behind the clouds are the other clouds.

* It's better to cheat than to repeat!

* Do unto others ... then run!!!

* Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang salop.

* Magbiro ka na sa lasing, magbiro ka na sa bagong gising, huwag lang sa lasing na bagong gising.

* When all else fails, follow instructions.

* Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa.

* To err is human, to errs is humans.

* Ang taong nagigipit ... sa bumbay kumakapit

* Pag may usok ... may nag-iihaw

* Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin ... may utang.

* No guts, no glory... no ID, no entry.

* Birds of the same feather that prays together ... stays together.

* Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot.

* Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao.

* Ang taong di marunong lumingon sa kanyang pinanggalingan .... ay may stiff neck.

* Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.

* Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga. Kapag may taga, may tahi.

* Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin.

* Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment

* Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.

* Better late than later.

* Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay kubo, sa paligid puno
ng linga.

* Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!

* No man is an island because time is gold.

* Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto ... muta lang yan.

* Kapag ang puno mabunga ... mataba ang lupa!

* When it rains ... it floods.

* Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon ... mauubusan din ng kandila.

* Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw, minsan nasa vulcanizing shop.

* Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan ... sapul.

* Try and try until you succeed... or else try another.

* Ako ang nagsaing ... iba ang kumain. Diet ako eh.

* Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik.

* Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.

* If you can't beat them, shoot them.

* An apple a day is too expensive.

* An apple a day makes seven apples a week.
(really expensive)

* Aanhin pa ang damo kung ang garden mo'y sementado

* Aanhin pa ang damo kung bato na ang uso

[Dungeon Master]

Hell

A guy dies and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor (Barbazu). He thinks to himself "I know I led a wild life but I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this."

Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and a heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.

Barbazu: "What's the problem, you look depressed?"
Guy: "Well, what do you think? I'm in Hell."
Barbazu: "Hell's not so bad, we actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Barbazu: "Well then, you are going to love Mondays. On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequilla, beer, whatever you want and as much as you want. We party all night long.
You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?"
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact I do."
Barbazu: "You are going to love Tuesday. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays. Do you do drugs?"
Guy: "Well in my younger days. I experimented a little."
Barbazu: "You are going to love Wednesdays. That's drug day. You can experiment with any drug you want and you don't have to worry about overdoses or getting hooked because you are already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?
Guy: "Yes, I love to gamble."
Barbazu: "You are going to love Thursdays because we gamble all day and night - black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! You are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?"
Guy: "Well, no I'm not."
Barbazu: "Uh-oh (frowns), you're gonna hate Fridays...."

[danosuke]

HELO GUYS I THINK THIS IS A JOKE BASE ON OUR ROLE PLAY KIND OF ACCIDENT NA PANGYAYARI NA DECISION NG MGA PLAYERS UNEXPECTED
FIRST ONE:
WELL WE ALMOST END UP OUR CAMPAIGN ITS THE BIRTHRIGTH SAGA IM THE DM THEN,
THE STORY ENDS UP BY UNITING THE WHOLE CONTINENT AS ONE GOOD NATION AND THEY DONE IT,THEY DEPEAT THE VILLAINS AND RESTORE ORDER TO THE ENTIRE NATION:HERES WHAT HAPPEN.
DM DAN:OK GUYS THE PEOPLE ARE SHOUTING CHEERING FOR PEACE AS THEY AWAITS ALL OF U IN THE SACRED HALL WHERE ALL KINGS ARE NOW GATHER,WAITING FOR WHAT ALL OF U WILL SAY TOO THEM AS THE WAR IS OVER
DM DAN:OK THE 4 PLAYER CHARACTERS WENT OUT AT THE HALL EACH HAS THE 4 KEYS OF THE REALM CONTINENT,AND EACH PERSON MUST SPEAK FOR THE NEW ORDERS OF THE LAND.
PLAYER 1 FIGTHER:THIS KEY IS FOR FREEDOM FOR ALL MEN....
DM DAN:THEN THE ENTIRE PEOPLE CRIED OUT LOUD AND HAIL THE FIGHTER.
PLAYER 2 MAGIC USER:THIS KEY IS FOR THE BALANCE FOR ALL
DM DAN:THEN THE ENTIRE PEOPLE CRIED OUT LOUD AND HAIL THE MAGIC USER
PLAYER 3 CLERIC:THIS KEY IS FOR THE FREEDOM OF BELIEF AND FAITH
DM DAN:THEN THE ENTIRE PEOPLE CRIED OUT LOUD AND HAIL THE CLERIC
DM DAN:THEN THERE WAS A SILENT AS THE PLAYER 4 WENT OUT TO SPEAK ITS NEW ORDER......HE WAS A HALFLING SHY AND NERVOUS...
DM DAN :THE PEOPLE ARE STARING AND WAITING WHAT WILL BE HIS ANNOUNCE THEY WAIT A COUPLE OF 1 MINUTE AS THE HALFLING STOOD UP AT THE STAGE STARING WITH THE BIG WIDE OPEN EYES AND HOLDING UP TIGHT AS IN HUGGING THE KEY TIGHT LIKE NEVER LET IT GO... THE WHOLE CROWD STOOD, AS THE KINGS AND WOLRD LEADERS LISTENING WAITING FOR WHAT WILL HE ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD, THEN IT BEGUN TO SPEAK AND SAID.......
PLAYER 4 HALFLING:...........AH.............HI!....... GUYS....

[bakamasta]

When you're feeling really stupid, just read this. It'll make you feel like a genius!

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995..)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?


Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"


-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign ..

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body,"
-- Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward .

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoe naed documents

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas .

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix ."

-- Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need ?"
--Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football.. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor .

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President

"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come
from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

[bakamasta]

Worst Answers To A Question

Thea’s Dad - In high school, our English teacher asked my classmates to give a sentence. A classmate answered, “mother baked a cake.” The teacher got irritated and asked, “wala ka na bang alam na ibang sentence? Our classmate answered “mother baked another cake?”

No name - An unidentified person texted me so I replied, “who r u?” He replied, “this is me, is dat u?”

Wilson - When I was about 10 yrs old, me and my dad went to the cemetery, and I noticed 2 initials R.I.P and D.O.M. in the same tombstone. I asked my dad, “Ano po ibig sabihin ng R.I.P?” He answered, “Rest In Peace.” Then I asked, “eh yung D.O.M.?” He paused, and said, “Don’t Open Me.”

Powerful Alice - I once asked an officemate, “Naku, paano na yan, delikado daw ang mga cute diyan sa may Crossing!”. He retorted, “Wag kang mag-alala…safe ka.”

Happy Dorothy - Our teacher said, “Class, our lesson for today is science. What is science?” A student answered, “…our lesson for today?”

Lucas - Sa Divisoria, the saleslady asked, “Ano pong sa inyo sir?” I answered, “Siyempre hindi kagaya nung sa ‘yo!”

No name - One day my dad and I wer walking in our village. A tricycle stopped and the driver said, “Tricycle?” My dad looks at the tricycle then says, “Oo nga, noh?”

Beng - My aunt asked me, “Dust pan ko?” I thought she was asking about my exams, so I answered, “Sa Chemistry.” She then proceeds to go to the atis tree to check, comes back and says, “Wala naman eh!” Then I replied, “Bukas pa!”

Shining - One of my Korean students went to Canada knowing only the most basic of English. One day, he was hit by a car while riding his bike. The driver asked him, “How are you?” My student replied, “I’m fine, thank you. And how are you?”

Shiela - We asked an applicant, “Why should we hire you?” He answered, “Because you have an opening and I need a job?”

Joanna - I once asked a friend, “Anong sa palagay mo?” Ang sagot: “Ewan, di ako mapalagay eh!”

No name - In a resto, the receptionist asked my dad “Ilan po sila?” My dad quickly replied “Ako isa, sila ewan ko.”

No name - A judge in a beauty contest asked a contestant, “Why did you join this contest?” The contestant answered, “Me? Join contest? Thank you.

Adrian - I onced asked someone, “How long have you been a magician?” He answered, “Sometimes 1 minute, sometimes 2 minutes…”

Jowie - My friend asked the question and answered it herself. Question: “Ano ngang tawag dun sa lips na red? ” Answer: “Ah…red lips.”

Marcus- My brother and I were eating pansit. After a few sthingyfuls I said, “Bakit parang lasang panis?” My brother chimed in, “Oo nga, at bakit ang konti?”

Syudin - In a quiz show, the contestant was asked, “Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?” The contestant answered, “Saging!”

Loipogi - During a pageant - Host: “I heard you almost didn’t make it here on time. Did you walk or did you ride?” Candidate: “Of course did you ride! What do you think of me, did you walk?”

Howe - In an 80’s show, the host asked an actress, “Are you aware of the current political problems we have?” The actress answered, “I’m afraid not.” The host asked another actress, “How about you?” The other actress replied, “Naku tito, I’m afraid also.”

No name - I work in a call center for DSL internet connection. I asked a customer, “Why are you cancelling your service?” He complained, “Nobody told me I needed a computer to connect to the internet.”

Zhe Archer - One of my colleagues asked a claimant for benefits, “When is your birthday?” The claimant answered, “Between 1946 & 1947.”

Camie 28 - One day I asked my busmate, “Why?” She answered, “Because!” I asked again, “Because…?” And she answered, “Why?”

Imay Anna - I asked someone, “Anong jeep ang sasakyan ko?” Ang sagot, “Siyempre yung may gulong.”

Rx addict - KOYA: “Inday, nasaan na ang soap maliligo na ako!” INDAY: “Koya, iniinit pa po!” KOYA: “Ang soap, iniinit?!?” INDAY: “Opo, ang know-dell soap!”

No name - I asked our yaya, “Anong isda yan?” She answered, “Yung lumalangoy…”

Loipogi - I finally asked a friend we have long suspected to be gay, “Are you gay?” He replied: “Only if you are…”

cbboating - I once asked an MMDA officer, “Saan po papunta sa Wack-Wack golf and country club?” He answered, “Mula dito sa Shangri-la, derecho lang, tawid ka ng flyover, tapos pagbaba ng flyover tanong ka ulit sa MMDA.”

Morenang Kaligatan - Overheard in a restroom: Girl 1: “May tissue ka?” Girl 2: “Wala, ikaw meron?”

No name - Conversation between 2 guys: Guy 1: “Pare anong ibig sabihin ng ‘coincidence’?” Guy 2: “Pare ewan, pero weird, yan din iniisip ko ngayon!”

Izel - When I asked my friends, ‘”Sinu-sino kayo diyan?” They answered, “Kami-kami…”

Roni - One time I asked a classmate, “Bakit wala ka kahapon?” He answered, “kasi absent ako eh…”

No name - Overheard conversation: Guy 1: Bumili ka ng laptop? Anong brand?” Guy 2: “Brand new!”

Marcus - We were in Ateneo looking over the Marikina valley view. Manila memorial park was very visible so I asked a pal, “Ilan kaya ang patay diyan?” He answered, “Lahat.”

Rodel - A teacher asked, “Sino ang gustong pumunta ng heaven?” A classmate answered, “Ma’am, gagabihin po ba tayo?”

Jose de Vengenge - In a gay beauty pageant, a contestant was asked, “What do you think is the root of all our economic and political crisis?” The contestant answered angrily, “Ano ba ‘to, beauty contest o quiz bee?”

Jose de Vengenge - True story. I once asked a female classmate, “Uy, gusto mong sumali sa paluwagan?” Her answer? “Ay…di ako pwede…virgin pa ko, eh.”

[1]

The Top Ten Things We’ve Said In Anger

To my quasi-boyfriend: “Sana makulob ka sa sarili mong utot para malaman mo kung gaano kasama ang ugali mo!”

An angry yaya scolding her makulit ward: “Ay told yu nat tu du dat, yu du dat! Naw luk at!” (Translation: “Sinabi kong huwag mong gawin ‘yan, ginawa mo pa rin. Ayan, tignan mo!”)

My sister was so mad at me for teasng her that, red in her face, she shouted: “You..are such..A BARST PERSON!” Hindi siya makapili between bastos and worst.

When I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me, I told him: “Kaya nga ako nagboyfriend ng pangit dahil ayoko ng may kaagaw!”

Out of frustration, I said this to my husband: “Inaano ba kita, bakit mo ko inaano!”

My super nice but legally blonde-ish friend got into an accident. A truck smashed into her Fortuner. The truck driver didn’t take her seriously and in fact kept laughing at her because of her super kolehiyala way of talking. When they got the police station, the truck driver kept laughing and mocking her. In my friend’s anger, she screamed: “Gusto kita sampalin, but your face is so oily!!!”

After I learned that a “Christian” friend was telling common friends a false version of a situation that made me look bad, I told him these exact words: “For you to claim that you have Jesus in your heart is tantamount to blasphemy!”

Everytime gagabihin ako ng uwi sa bahay, my angry mom would always say: ”Pinapanalangin namin ng papa mo na sana pag nagka-anak ka, haliparot ding tulad mo!”

I told a grade one bully who bullies my grade one son: “Do you want me to kill you? Do you want me to kill your whole family? Get out of my son’s face!”
“I’ll kill you until you’re dead!”

My brother and I said this when our dad was being a lame ass again: “Sa susunod na subukan niyang magpakamatay, hayaan na natin siya.”

When I was in high school & got angry with my group members, they accused me of not calling them up. In front of all our classmates and our male teacher, I yelled: “Anong hindi tinawag, eh halos lumawit na yung tinggil ko sa kakatawag sa inyo!!!” (What I wanted to say was, “lumawit na yung litid ko”)

Overheard from an angry girlfriend in Starbucks: “Where did you…Where have you…Saan ka ba galing?!?”

I’ve told this to an annoying old maid customer in our sari-sari store: “Ano ba, bibili ka ba o lalamutakin mo lang ang itlog ko?!?”

In the heat of gitgitan on the road: “Sige, gitgitin mo pa ako para magbanggaan tayo! May apat pa akong magagamit habang inaayos kotse ko. Eh ikaw?”

When I was in c0llege, we made assumpti0ns regarding what happened to my friend. Angrily she blurted out: “Ang hilig niyo kasi mag-ASSUMPT!”

When my mom told me: “Why is it that your cousin does a lot better than you?” I answered: “Maybe because auntie is a lot better than you too.”

My ex: “Sasampalin mo ko, no? Naiinis ka na no? Sige, sampalin mo ko! Sige! Sampalin mo ko!” (PAK!) “Sinampal mo ko…bakit mo ko sinampal…?”

When I was being harassed by this school guard when I was in college, I blurted out: “Kung di ka pa tatayo diyan ng pitong beses kada linggo, di mo pa mapapahigop ng sabaw ang pamilya mo!” I felt so guilty afterwards.

My friend told our calssmate: “Nakaka-offend na yang kilikili mo, ha!”

Back in high school, my classmates were caught peeping on our pretty young teacher when she saw a small mirror under her desk, just below her skirt between her legs. The next day, our old maid teacher burst into the room, arms outstretched, legs wide open, shouting: “Matapang kayong mamboso pag nakatalikod ang biktima nyo, ha! Sige, ayan, nakaharap ako! Sige, BOSOHAN NIYO KO!”

[wex]

Dumbest Thing Youfve Ever Heard Anyone Say

An Eat Bulaga contestant was asked by Joey and Vic: gAno sa Tagalog ang grasshopper?h Contestant: gAhmm. . .Huling Hapunan?h

It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: gBig Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuffch

In Wowowee, the question was: gKung ang fsigawf ay fshoutf sa Inggles, ano naman sa Tagalog ang ewhisperf?h The contestant answered: gNapkin!h

While watchng the news yesterday about a kid killed by a bulldozer, our maid commented: gKaya ayoko mag-alaga ng aso ehch

My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of nowhere: gImagine mo kung di ginawa etong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?h

My cousin at a DRIVE-THRU: gMiss, puwedeng take out?h

Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: gPlease watch eThe Life Story of Julie Vegaf, opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.h

In a burger joint I heard a man say: gMiss, isa ngang eamusingf aloha at saka ekidneyf meal.h Server: gDine in po ba or to go?h The man answered: gAyoko ng sago!h

I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: gManang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.h And she replied: gAno po, solo o litro?h (coke is it)

My friend said: gAng galing eno, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!h

A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting: gMafam bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, eHesus and Company.h

While watching gApollo 13, after she heard the line: gHouston, we have a problem.h My ex-girlfriend asked: gSino si Houston?h

My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: gNagpapabili ang tita niyo ng eautisticf guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?h

We were marketing for an org event, when one of my orgmates wanted to clear the definition of the types of sponsors (Major, Minor, Patron, etc.) So she asked her grandma: gLola, anong mas mataas sa Patron?h Her lola replied: gPatron? Eh di Shell!h

Also in a gameshow. Host: gAno sa Tagalog ang eteethf?h Contestant: gUtong!h

I once heard an emcee say: gLetfs give her a warm of applause!h

One classmate in highschool said, gAng cute naman ng sintas mo, luminou!h I corrected him and said, gluminous!h Then he replied, gOo nga pala, plural!h

Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!h Pasahero: gBoss, Cubao?h

Sa isang gameshow, tinanong ng host: gAnong ePf ang Tagalog ng fstoreyf o efloorf ng building?h Contestan: gPIP PLOR!h

An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: gAlam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling kocwala akong kasamach

I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password but he forgot. I gave him a clue: gItfs a 4-digit number.h He answered, gUhmcfROCKYf?h

I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: gOne cup of chino please.h

An officemate once asked: gSaan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?h

I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: gUy, stripes din! Itfs the color of the day!h

My sister said of our neighbor who was our arch enemy: gMamatay na sana kapitbahay natin!h I told her not to say that, coz it might bounce back to us. Then she said, gAh ganun ba yun? In that case, mamatay na sana tayo!h

When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, gHey, I got a missed call!h My friend said, gAnong sabi?h

From the gameshow gThe Weakest Linkh. Host Edu Manzano asked: gAnong eTf ang ibinibigay ng konduktor pag nagbayad ka ng pamasahe sa bus?h Ian Veneracion answered: gTUKLI!h

We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, gHala, brownout!h Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.

A call center agent told a foreign customer regarding the changing of the due date of her credit card: gMafam, I already changed your monthly period.h

A home economics teacher asked us: gHow do you make wet floor and tow duff?h Translation: gHow do you make wheat flour and tough doughh.

During a shower party for my friend, the married women were giving tips on the dofs & dontfs of sexual intercourse, when the bride asked: gHindi ba kasama yung betlog sa pinapasok?h

Melanie Marquez: gAng tatay ko lang ang only living legend na buhay pa.h